I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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