she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
