your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
