A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Panties = found
Randomize
