thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
