dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
