you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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