I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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