4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just google imaged poop.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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