Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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