I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
