Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So vagazzling was a success
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
