You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You have to summon your inner elephant
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
God I need to hump something, right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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