Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We need to get me chipped asap
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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