Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
