I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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