I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
