Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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