I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
