I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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