Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
