Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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