he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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