he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
