letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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