My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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