I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
