i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
