I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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