i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
