i just had sex bonerless
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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