I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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