mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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