you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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