Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
