Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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