the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You did what with his pubic hair?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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