Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
