hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
