even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
