Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
