We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
