you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
