its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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