i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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