I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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