whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
