Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
