This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
