I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
