There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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