She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
