dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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