Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
