okay pat passed out under dana's car
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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