TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
