she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
