I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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